I
want men that I can please, that I can squeeze, that I can
tease
Two
or three or four or more!
What
are those fools waiting for?
I
want love and I want kissing I want more of what I'm missing
Nobody
comes knocking at my front door
What
do they think my knocker's for?
If
they don't come soon there won't be any more!
What
can the matter be?
I
wash my clothes with Lux, my etiquette's the best,
I
spend my hard-earned bucks on just what the ads suggest
Oh
Dear what can the matter be
Nobody
makes a pass at me!
I'm
full of Kellogg's bran, I eat grapenuts on the sly,
A
date is on the can of coffee that I buy
Oh
dear, what can the matter be?
Nobody
makes a pass at me!
Oh
Beatrice Fair-fax, give me the bare facts,
How
do you make them fall?
If
you don't save me, the things the Lord gave me never will
be any use to me at all.
I
sprinkle on a dash of "Fragrance de Amour,"
The
ads say "Makes Men Rash" but I guess their smell
is poor
Oh
dear what can the matter be
Nobody
makes a pass at me.
I
use Ovaltine and Listerine, Barbasol and Musterole Life
Buoy soap and Flit,
So
why ain't I got it?
I
use Coca Cola and Marmola, Crisco, Lesco and Mazola, Ex-lax
and Vapex,
So
why ain't I got sex?
I
use Albolene and Maybellene, Alka Seltzer, Bromo Seltzer,
Odorono and Sensation
So
why ain't I got fascination?
My
Girdles come from the Best,
Times
ads say they're chick
And
up above I'm dressed in the brassier of the week
Oh
dear, what can the matter be?
Nobody
makes a pass at me!
I
use Pond's on my skin, with rye-crisp I have thinned
I
get my culture in, I began "Gone with The Wind"
Oh
dear, what can the matter be?
Nobody
makes a pass at me!
Oh
Dor'thy Dix, please, show me some tricks, please,
I
want some men to hold
I
want attention and things
I
can't mention and I want them all before I get too old
I
use Mum ev'ry day and Angelus Liplure,
But
still men stay away just like Iv'ry soap I'm pure
Just
like I result of 99 and 44 One hundred percent P.O.
Oh
dear what can the matter be?
Nobody
makes a pass at me